Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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