well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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