is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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