Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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