Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
