I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
