Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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