and she was petting her beer can
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
