dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
