Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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