Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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