i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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