It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
