You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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