I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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