Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
