he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
