i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
