Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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