Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
PANTIES FOUND
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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