Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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