I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
