dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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