32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
