i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
