she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
