tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
