I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
