Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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