Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
