I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
