I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This is the prime rib incident all over again
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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