i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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