what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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