Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
