Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
