my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
