Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
