Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
