Yo dont text me then not text me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
