Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
