You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
