We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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