yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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