I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
