look no pants
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm having to shit out rocks
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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