Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
