It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
