He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
