I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
