They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
