two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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