Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just pynch a tree in the face
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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