If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
